One Of Four

Ok,  I started this whole blog thing as an outlet, well I'm about to start letting it out.  I plan on giving my background up unto this point in my life and then we will go on from there. Let us start, ummmmmm say 2003.  I had just graduated college at the age of 25. I felt accomplished, proud of myself, and completely full of hope for an amazing career. I got just that, I was very fast one of two "ER Techs" that worked solely in the ER as a Trauma x-ray tech.  I loved the people I worked with, I loved what I did. I was happy. I was living the "single-life", making good money. I had,what most people would consider, a successful life.  That is where my life took one of 4 dramatic turns. 

1) I met a boy.  I never really considered him the "man of my dreams".....but he was the type that girls think they can change.  I was one of those girls.  He was smooth with his pick-up lines.  He was a "bad boy"!! I was basically his sugar mama, with whom he decided to become emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive.  Here I was putting up with this shit....He would cheat, I would find out, we would argue, and eventually it lead to me being pushed around, bruised up, and a house to clean up after.  This relationship was doomed from the start, and I knew it.  But, I insistently wanted him to love me.  When we were finally giving up and I had enough....That is when I found out that I was pregnant. This changed everything.  I was gonna be OK(at least that is what i kept telling myself).  I was 27 when I found out.  I honestly had a hard time believing this to be true.  I mean, I was told all of my life that it would be difficult for me to conceive because I have PCOS(Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), plus I was on birth control when I got pregnant.  After two blood tests, it sunk in......I WAS WITH CHILD.  Being the romantic idiot that I was at the time, I believed the father when he told me he loved me and that he wanted us to be a "family".  Yay, I had managed to get this cheating, mean, unemployed, strip-club patron to see things how they should be.  We were gonna do this.  It goes without saying that nothing really changed throughout the pregnancy.  Same shit, different day.  The fights were less physical while i was pregnant, unless you count the time in the drive thru window at McDonald's when I didn't get a joke and was back-handed in the stomach.  Now, of course, he would never admit this.  Nor would he admit the time that he ripped my nightgown off of me when I was 7 Months pregnant.  Nor, would he admit that his favorite thing to call me was quote..."Fat Tuna Cheesy Melt". Yep, I had a winner.  You might be thinking, "why on earth would you stay with him?"  I still to this day do not have an acceptable answer for this question.  I can say without pause that when he would walk past me, at times, I wanted to throw up.  Me, of all ppl was putting up with this BS!!!!  But, I loved him, right??

Let us fast forward about three weeks after my son, Mason, was born. I was breast feeding him in the recliner, and for a reason I no longer remember, this J-hole walked by and slapped my feet off of the recliner.  I remember being told he was taking MY car(to go do only God knows what), and by the time he got back I needed to have a written contract made up and signed as to how I was going to "fix our relationship".  Ok, at this point I finally started getting some balls of my own.  While he was gone, I packed up clothes for Mason and me, and all of the baby essentials and hid them.  He gets home about an hour later, gives me the whole spiel about how much he loved me and he was gonna cook dinner and BLAH, EFFING BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  When he got in the shower, I left and went to my parents house.  I had finally done it.  I went to stay with my Granny for about a week and then came home to live with my parents for the next 5 1/2 months.  Then, I fell back into it.....we moved back in to MY house(which had been sitting vacant, but fully furnished this whole time).  That was toward the end of November 2006 and he proposed on Christmas eve, same year. I accepted.  We were to be married the following Sept. Needless to say, absolutely nothing changed.  He would leave for a couple months then come back.  I was miserable, I couldn't stand him, and yet I was LIVING with him(well, when he needed a place to recoup).  I could literally go on and tell story after unbelievable story of things he did to me and the LACK of things he did for his son.  I will get to the absolute end of our relationship with DRAMATIC TURN #2. 

GO ahead, people......tell me what you think.  I promise that it won't be anything that i haven't either already heard or told myself!!!! 

CIAO~ Mandi

WTH am I doing?!?!?

Everyone probably wonders why in the hell I, of all people, would want to start a blog.  The answer to this question is quite simple - I'm an unemployed, daily migraine sufferer with a 5 year old now in Kindergarten (which leaves me with a lot of spare time)... so, I have a lot of shit to say!  So you might be asking yourself, what exactly is this blog going to entail?  Amanda - uncut and uncensored.  My life, my problems, my wacky sense of humor, my crazy and amazing family, random stuff that niggles me, and how I cope with day-to-day life.  At one point in my life, I was an adament journaler, but that was ripped away from me (we may get to that at a later date).  This is a way for me to collect my thoughts and figure out where I fit in life, now that everything that I held so highly to be true, well... isn't true to me anymore.  My life has taken a dramatic turn over the last 3 years, so I'm going to blog about the highs, the lows, and everything in between.  Hopefully you'll enjoy it, follow it, and provide feedback.  AND if you decide not to, okay... fine... I didn't want you here anyway!